Monday, March 21, 2011
my surgery date
My surgeon's office called me with a date and I remember posting it online, October 27, 2008. Now I celebrate 2 birthdays, my real one and this one, which gave me a new life. Not many people get a second chance at life, but I did. It wasn't the surgery that saved my life. I saved my own life by making a good decision for myself. This is not for everyone and I spent almost 10 years thinking it over. A person must have extreme discipline to be successful with either tpye of WLS surgery. I knew I did not want lap-band, since typically patients lose weight slower. I did not like the idea of having a band inside me. However, this has become more popular than gastric bypass. Probably because bypass is invasive and carries more risk. It is considered major surgery. It was a risk I was willing to take. Luckily I did not have time to think much about the actual surgery or be nervous. When I received the date, it was about a week away. I knew from the nutrtionist that I needed to prepare ahead of time for my liquid diet. I would not be able to eat solid foods, since my stomach needed to heal. I would not be able to drive for a few weeks and I took a 3-week medical leave from work. I also knew I would have some pain. I headed to the hospital early that morning. They said to arrive at 6am and I was not taken into the operating room until 11am. What a long wait! I had never met my surgeon until right before the operation. The operation lasted about 45 minutes and went well. I awoke in the recovery room in agonizing pain. When I got back to my room, the nurse got me out of bed. It is extremely important for patients to walk after this surgery. There was no waiting until I felt better. The pain was so bad I was bent over, using a teddy bear the hospital had given me as a pillow. I wondered what I had done to myself. But somehow I knew it would be ok. My journey was just beginning.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
I'm not ready to give up
I'm not ready to give up. I am going to win this battle. It is like going to war, a good choice of words. This is the battle of the bulge. This has been a lifetime battle and continues to present day. And I am going to win. I have worked too hard and come too far. We all hit bumps in the road and mine have been numerous lately. I need to remember where I was and where I am now. This is an ongoing, daily process of making the right choices. No whining, complaining, or excuses. This is what I signed up for, as the saying goes. Now I need to carry on. Are you wondering what I am talking about? I need to elaborate. I need to remember the road I have traveled, and all the obstacles I have already overcome.
Everyone has something in their life that is an issue. It could be internal or external. Mine is external. It is my weight. This has been a struggle throughout my life. It has held me back. I have let it control me. It has impeded my dreams and goals. It has kept me in a bubble at times, locked away from the world. It has caused me a lot of hurt and pain. Anyway, as a child and teenager, I was always overweight, or doctors would use the term obese. I still led a fairly normal life, except for my social life, which is another story. Each year, I would gain more weight. When I was 19, out of desperation, I went on a chain diet and starved myself with 500 calories per day. I lost 40 pounds and many inches, but never reached my goal weight. Soon, all the weight came back plus more. Over the years, I tried multiple diets. Each time I tried, I gained more weight and felt like a failure. In 2000, I was surfing the web one day and came upon bariatric (weight loss surgery). This was the first time I was reading about it. I did not know at the time that this article would eventually change my life. Or more importantly, I would change my own life. We do control our own destiny, don't we? I was not ready for something so radical at the time. I still wanted to lose the weight on my own, with diet and exercise. I was gaining more weight and in 2002, found myself tipping the scale at 300 pounds. It still took me awhile until I considered surgery as an option to help me. I was going on a downward sprial. It was hard to comprehend weighing that much. I decided to look into the different types of surgery. I found a surgeon that was 2 hours from where I lived at the time, but I was determined. In 2004, I contacted my insurance company and found a surgeon. After 1 denial, my insurance actually approved me for gastric bypass surgery for January 2005. I was so elated at the new chance at life. However, after I had my pre-surgical bloodwork, the surgeon's office called me and told me I had mono and that I would need to cancel my surgery. Devastated, I figured the surgery was not meant to be and I put it out of my head. I figured my weight would eventually kill me. It was such a sad time for me. Not to mention the personal tragedy I had suffered in my life in 2003. I will need to continue this post at a later time. Time to walk, make my protein shake and get ready for work.
I am finally continuing days later. Years went by until I finally had my surgery. When I moved across the country, I was uninsured, so it was not an option. Then when I found a job, I called my insurance company one day and found out there was an $11,000 copay due before the operation. So once again I went about my life, and gained more weight. In 2007 and in poor health, I decided that surgery was my only option. Othersie, I was going to die prematurely from my obesity. I took action, looked at the various insurances offered at my company and contacted them to find out about weight loss surgery coverage. I decided to write down my goals, not just regarding my weight, but other areas of my life. Seeing it on paper might help me achieve it. Open enrollment was approaching, so that October, I switched companies. I found out with medical necessity, that Aetna would cover me, and I would need to do a 6 month diet (ridiculous) with my doctor and get the proper documentation. In addition, I needed to do bloodwork before the operation. So, I needed a new internist and actually found a physician through my online investigating. The best part was he also had weight loss surgery. I became his patient, completed the diet with no weight loss, saw a nutritionist, wrote my own letter, and submitted my information to the inurance. Then I received my denial letter. But I was not ready to give up. I had done a lot of research through an online support website. I resubmitted my information and received my approval letter. This was one of the happiest days of my life.
Everyone has something in their life that is an issue. It could be internal or external. Mine is external. It is my weight. This has been a struggle throughout my life. It has held me back. I have let it control me. It has impeded my dreams and goals. It has kept me in a bubble at times, locked away from the world. It has caused me a lot of hurt and pain. Anyway, as a child and teenager, I was always overweight, or doctors would use the term obese. I still led a fairly normal life, except for my social life, which is another story. Each year, I would gain more weight. When I was 19, out of desperation, I went on a chain diet and starved myself with 500 calories per day. I lost 40 pounds and many inches, but never reached my goal weight. Soon, all the weight came back plus more. Over the years, I tried multiple diets. Each time I tried, I gained more weight and felt like a failure. In 2000, I was surfing the web one day and came upon bariatric (weight loss surgery). This was the first time I was reading about it. I did not know at the time that this article would eventually change my life. Or more importantly, I would change my own life. We do control our own destiny, don't we? I was not ready for something so radical at the time. I still wanted to lose the weight on my own, with diet and exercise. I was gaining more weight and in 2002, found myself tipping the scale at 300 pounds. It still took me awhile until I considered surgery as an option to help me. I was going on a downward sprial. It was hard to comprehend weighing that much. I decided to look into the different types of surgery. I found a surgeon that was 2 hours from where I lived at the time, but I was determined. In 2004, I contacted my insurance company and found a surgeon. After 1 denial, my insurance actually approved me for gastric bypass surgery for January 2005. I was so elated at the new chance at life. However, after I had my pre-surgical bloodwork, the surgeon's office called me and told me I had mono and that I would need to cancel my surgery. Devastated, I figured the surgery was not meant to be and I put it out of my head. I figured my weight would eventually kill me. It was such a sad time for me. Not to mention the personal tragedy I had suffered in my life in 2003. I will need to continue this post at a later time. Time to walk, make my protein shake and get ready for work.
I am finally continuing days later. Years went by until I finally had my surgery. When I moved across the country, I was uninsured, so it was not an option. Then when I found a job, I called my insurance company one day and found out there was an $11,000 copay due before the operation. So once again I went about my life, and gained more weight. In 2007 and in poor health, I decided that surgery was my only option. Othersie, I was going to die prematurely from my obesity. I took action, looked at the various insurances offered at my company and contacted them to find out about weight loss surgery coverage. I decided to write down my goals, not just regarding my weight, but other areas of my life. Seeing it on paper might help me achieve it. Open enrollment was approaching, so that October, I switched companies. I found out with medical necessity, that Aetna would cover me, and I would need to do a 6 month diet (ridiculous) with my doctor and get the proper documentation. In addition, I needed to do bloodwork before the operation. So, I needed a new internist and actually found a physician through my online investigating. The best part was he also had weight loss surgery. I became his patient, completed the diet with no weight loss, saw a nutritionist, wrote my own letter, and submitted my information to the inurance. Then I received my denial letter. But I was not ready to give up. I had done a lot of research through an online support website. I resubmitted my information and received my approval letter. This was one of the happiest days of my life.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
not just a dream
Recently I was at a meeting at work, where we were asked to say something about ourselves. Everyone discussed their families, their children and husbands. When it came around to me, I spoke of being a writer,and then I realized, I think many people have the dream of the husband, children and white picket fence. But this was never my dream. When I was in graduate school in 1993, the same thing happened. My professor asked the class, what is 1 goal you have before you die? It was an easy answer for me. I want to write a book and have it published. So now I can see a pattern.
Slowly I have been returning to my writing. I can make all kinds of excuses for not writing, too tired, not enough time, etc. But it comes down to the following. I have been told by a few people recently that I have a gift and I should not waste it. And that I am wasting my time if I don't do something with this gift, since not everyone has it. This was stated from a few people who are not even friends.. They don't even know me personally, yet they are 100% correct. So I have been checking on some websites, thinking of what I can submit for publication and gathering my thoughts to work on that book I have been wanting to write since I was young. I have always considered myself a writer. As a child, I kept journals. This went on for years, into adulthood. I got away from that and started again around my late twenties. Then, about 10 years ago, I joined a writing group at a local Borders. My teacher, a published author liked my writing. Eventually when I moved I really missed this monthly group, and then I got away from my writing as well. About 2 years ago, I joined another writing group locally through meetup.com that I really enjoyed. Unfortunately, due to my schedule I am unable to attend these meetings. But I do recall one of the people stating that keeping a blog is a good way to practice your writing skills. So in Summer 2009, I went online and started my blog. Then life got in the way and I forgot about it. I got sidetracked. Now here I am, 19 months later. About 3 weeks ago I was thinking about my blog and was able to locate it online. I really want to write on here daily. I could be doing other things right now before work, but I am glad I am taking time out of my day. I feel inspired, as I have found a few writing conferences which interest me, and I have emailed a few submissions. At least I am trying, even if I get rejected. Failure is not trying.
Slowly I have been returning to my writing. I can make all kinds of excuses for not writing, too tired, not enough time, etc. But it comes down to the following. I have been told by a few people recently that I have a gift and I should not waste it. And that I am wasting my time if I don't do something with this gift, since not everyone has it. This was stated from a few people who are not even friends.. They don't even know me personally, yet they are 100% correct. So I have been checking on some websites, thinking of what I can submit for publication and gathering my thoughts to work on that book I have been wanting to write since I was young. I have always considered myself a writer. As a child, I kept journals. This went on for years, into adulthood. I got away from that and started again around my late twenties. Then, about 10 years ago, I joined a writing group at a local Borders. My teacher, a published author liked my writing. Eventually when I moved I really missed this monthly group, and then I got away from my writing as well. About 2 years ago, I joined another writing group locally through meetup.com that I really enjoyed. Unfortunately, due to my schedule I am unable to attend these meetings. But I do recall one of the people stating that keeping a blog is a good way to practice your writing skills. So in Summer 2009, I went online and started my blog. Then life got in the way and I forgot about it. I got sidetracked. Now here I am, 19 months later. About 3 weeks ago I was thinking about my blog and was able to locate it online. I really want to write on here daily. I could be doing other things right now before work, but I am glad I am taking time out of my day. I feel inspired, as I have found a few writing conferences which interest me, and I have emailed a few submissions. At least I am trying, even if I get rejected. Failure is not trying.
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