I'm not ready to give up

I'm not ready to give up. I am going to win this battle. It is like going to war, a good choice of words. This is the battle of the bulge. This has been a lifetime battle and continues to present day. And I am going to win. I have worked too hard and come too far. We all hit bumps in the road and mine have been numerous lately. I need to remember where I was and where I am now. This is an ongoing, daily process of making the right choices. No whining, complaining, or excuses. This is what I signed up for, as the saying goes. Now I need to carry on. Are you wondering what I am talking about? I need to elaborate. I need to remember the road I have traveled, and all the obstacles I have already overcome.

Everyone has something in their life that is an issue. It could be internal or external. Mine is external. It is my weight. This has been a struggle throughout my life. It has held me back. I have let it control me. It has impeded my dreams and goals. It has kept me in a bubble at times, locked away from the world. It has caused me a lot of hurt and pain. Anyway, as a child and teenager, I was always overweight, or doctors would use the term obese. I still led a fairly normal life, except for my social life, which is another story. Each year, I would gain more weight. When I was 19, out of desperation, I went on a chain diet and starved myself with 500 calories per day. I lost 40 pounds and many inches, but never reached my goal weight. Soon, all the weight came back plus more. Over the years, I tried multiple diets. Each time I tried, I gained more weight and felt like a failure. In 2000, I was surfing the web one day and came upon bariatric (weight loss surgery). This was the first time I was reading about it. I did not know at the time that this article would eventually change my life. Or more importantly, I would change my own life. We do control our own destiny, don't we? I was not ready for something so radical at the time. I still wanted to lose the weight on my own, with diet and exercise. I was gaining more weight and in 2002, found myself tipping the scale at 300 pounds. It still took me awhile until I considered surgery as an option to help me. I was going on a downward sprial. It was hard to comprehend weighing that much. I decided to look into the different types of surgery. I found a surgeon that was 2 hours from where I lived at the time, but I was determined. In 2004, I contacted my insurance company and found a surgeon. After 1 denial, my insurance actually approved me for gastric bypass surgery for January 2005. I was so elated at the new chance at life. However, after I had my pre-surgical bloodwork, the surgeon's office called me and told me I had mono and that I would need to cancel my surgery. Devastated, I figured the surgery was not meant to be and I put it out of my head. I figured my weight would eventually kill me. It was such a sad time for me. Not to mention the personal tragedy I had suffered in my life in 2003. I will need to continue this post at a later time. Time to walk, make my protein shake and get ready for work.

I am finally continuing days later. Years went by until I finally had my surgery. When I moved across the country, I was uninsured, so it was not an option. Then when I found a job, I called my insurance company one day and found out there was an $11,000 copay due before the operation. So once again I went about my life, and gained more weight. In 2007 and in poor health, I decided that surgery was my only option. Othersie, I was going to die prematurely from my obesity. I took action, looked at the various insurances offered at my company and contacted them to find out about weight loss surgery coverage. I decided to write down my goals, not just regarding my weight, but other areas of my life. Seeing it on paper might help me achieve it. Open enrollment was approaching, so that October, I switched companies. I found out with medical necessity, that Aetna would cover me, and I would need to do a 6 month diet (ridiculous) with my doctor and get the proper documentation. In addition, I needed to do bloodwork before the operation. So, I needed a new internist and actually found a physician through my online investigating. The best part was he also had weight loss surgery. I became his patient, completed the diet with no weight loss, saw a nutritionist, wrote my own letter, and submitted my information to the inurance. Then I received my denial letter. But I was not ready to give up. I had done a lot of research through an online support website. I resubmitted my information and received my approval letter. This was one of the happiest days of my life.